Built Not Born Podcast · 22 November 2024
Why Do So Many of Us Know So Little About Perimenopause?
Helen Butler shares her experience of perimenopause, the symptoms she noticed and how it affected sleep, mood, memory, family life and work.
Episode guide
About this episode
Perimenopause was something Helen Butler knew very little about until she began to feel noticeably different. In this episode, Helen and Chris talk openly about how unfamiliar the subject had been to both of them, despite menopause being widely recognised. Their conversation centres on the gap between knowing the word and understanding what the transition can actually feel like in day-to-day life.
Helen explains that the first changes were not one obvious symptom. She describes feeling unusually low, less positive and less interested in seeing people, alongside disrupted sleep, anxiety, brain fog, memory lapses and changes around her stomach and weight. She also talks about moments where the wrong word would come out in conversation and how unsettling that could feel when it was out of character for her.
After researching what she was experiencing and speaking with a friend, Helen sought medical advice. She describes being fortunate to see a doctor with menopause expertise who listened to her symptoms and discussed treatment with her. Helen chose to use HRT gel as part of her own approach, but both she and Chris are clear throughout the episode that this is a personal account rather than medical advice and that different women may make different choices.
The conversation also looks at the effect perimenopause can have beyond the individual. Helen reflects on becoming more short-tempered at home, particularly during stressful school mornings, while Chris talks about how difficult it can be for a partner to understand sudden changes when neither person knows what is happening. For them, greater awareness helped create more context, patience and self-reflection around what they were both experiencing.
At work, Helen noticed forgetfulness and brain fog more sharply because she works closely with other people and relies on remembering details. She began using lists more deliberately to compensate. Chris and Helen then turn the discussion towards employers, suggesting that workplaces can help by educating teams, making conversations about menopause less awkward and creating an environment where people feel able to ask for support without embarrassment.
Helen also shares the practical habits that have helped her personally, including prioritising sleep, exercising, getting outside, reducing caffeine and talking to other women going through similar experiences. Her strongest message is about openness. She believes that speaking to someone trusted, whether a friend, family member or colleague, can make a difficult and confusing period feel more manageable and less isolating.
Key takeaways
What you'll learn
- Perimenopause can be difficult to recognise when the changes feel gradual or overlap with experiences such as stress, anxiety, poor sleep or low mood.
- Helen describes noticing changes in her mood, sleep, anxiety, memory and concentration, alongside weight changes and episodes of a higher heart rate.
- Her route to support began with researching her symptoms, speaking to other women and then seeing a doctor with menopause expertise.
- Helen explains that HRT gel is part of her own approach, while making clear that treatment choices are personal and that she is sharing experience rather than medical advice.
- Brain fog and forgetfulness affected Helen at work, so writing more lists and creating practical reminders became useful ways to stay organised.
- Chris and Helen argue that employers can help by making the subject easier to discuss, educating teams and treating support as an individual conversation rather than a single fixed solution.
- For Helen, speaking openly with other women has been one of the most valuable parts of understanding what she is experiencing and feeling less alone with it.
Questions from this episode
Frequently asked questions
What symptoms made Helen think she might be going through perimenopause?
Helen describes feeling unusually low, disrupted sleep, increased anxiety, brain fog, forgetfulness, saying the wrong words at times, weight changes around her stomach and episodes of a higher heart rate. She also discusses how some commonly associated symptoms, such as hot flushes and night sweats, had not been a major part of her own experience at that point.
How did perimenopause affect Helen at work?
Helen says the biggest work-related effect was forgetfulness and brain fog. She found it embarrassing when she forgot basic things and began relying more heavily on written lists to keep track of tasks and information.
What helped Helen manage her experience of perimenopause?
Helen says her own approach has included HRT gel, prioritising sleep, exercising, getting outside, reducing caffeine, trying to eat more healthily and speaking with other women who have been through similar experiences. She presents these as personal choices and experiences rather than a universal prescription.
How can employers support someone going through perimenopause?
Chris and Helen suggest educating the wider team, making the topic easier to discuss, using regular one-to-one conversations and treating support on a case-by-case basis. Helen also suggests that a menopause specialist can help educate a workplace where appropriate.
Is this episode giving medical advice about perimenopause or HRT?
No. Helen repeatedly describes the episode as a casual account of her own experience and makes clear that she is not a doctor. The discussion covers what she has personally tried, learned and chosen, while recognising that other women may have different experiences and treatment preferences.